CrackDen – Crackhead Family Feud
Hello ! I am Louie Anderson ! ! I am here to host this special edition of
CRACKHEAD FAMILY FEUD !
We are very much a current events driven show here – we have assembled a couple of interesting teams here —-
We have two teams here – CRACKHEADS – and those who have been DAMAGED by the actions of the CRACKHEADS
Here are the contestants: First for TEAM CRACKHEAD –
From the NHL and the New York Ranger$ – Crackhead Theo ( CHT) !
From major league baseball – Darryl Strawberry !
From the NFL – Lawrence Taylor
From the political world – former Washington DC mayor Marion Barry !
From the world of those who have been damaged by these crackheads
From NHL – San Jose Sharkie ! – The mascot who was punched out by CHT
From Baseball – George Steinbrenner – who is constantly made to look the fool by
his rehab boys ( Strawberry, Steve Howe and Doc Gooden)
From Football – Wellington Mara – the owner of the New Jersey Giants
From Washington DC – the “Bitch” of Mayor Barry – the woman who LURED him with Crack – Rasheeda Moore !
Louie Anderson : Welcome everyone ! Lets get down to the FEUD !
Anderson: You all know the rules – let’s have the two heads of the family CHT and SJ Sharkie approach the stage ! Time to play the FEUD !…………..ahh….Sharkie – what’s the matter
SJ Sharkie : Last time I ran into CHT – I got these ( lifts up his SJ Sharks jersey to show broken ribs)
CHT: And I can make it happen again A**Hole !
Anderson: NOW GUYS, this is TV ! Now – Can’t we all get along ! Let’s play the FEUD
ANNOUNCER: DELIVERY FOR MR. BARRY !
Barry: It’s the damned FBI again trying to trap me with a BITCH HO !
Rasheeda Moore: Won’t be the first time you got snagged by a HO!
Anderson : PEOPLE ! LET’S PLAY THE FEUD ALREADY !!!
Taylor : OK Louie – anyone gets out of line – they have to come through me !
Strawberry : LT – did you say “line”?
CHT: SHUT UP ! LET’s Play – or I will give you a two hander – like I did to Cairns
Anderson: We surveyed the studio audience and have selected the top 5 answers to our survey questions. First team to answer gets to play the FEUD. IF you miss it – the other team gets a chance to STEAL on you.
Wellington Mara : Why am I here?
Anderson: OK – Here it is: CRACK _______
CHT : ( hits buzzer first)
Anderson: OK CHT – what’s it gonna be?
CHT – CRACK – DEN
Taylor, Strawberry, Barry: GOOD ANSWER ! GOOD ANSWER !
SJ Sharkie: _” DAMN ! That was what I would have said “
Anderson: SURVEY SAYS :
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DEN 32
DING DING DING!!
Anderson: YOU GOT IT ! You keep on going – 32 people in our survey said “Den” – making it our # 1 answer! Come on down Darryl !
Strawberry – How are ya Louie ?
Anderson: Fine. You got a clue as to what # 2 might be?
Strawberry: Yes. Some say DEN – I say HOUSE. I always am on the lookout for a good CrackHouse. Hmmm – hope my probation officer did not hear that
CHT: I know a good rehab clinic Darryl – Gretzky has the number.
Anderson. – Crack House.
CHT – GOOD ANSWER !
Barry – GOOD ANSWER !
Anderson – SURVEY SAYS !
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Crack HOUSE 23
DING DING DING !
Anderson : OK ! Come on up Larry Taylor !
Taylor: OK – CRACK OUT!
Anderson – CRACK OUT?
Taylor – YOU GOTTA PROBLEM WITH THAT?
Anderson – ( looking scared) OK BY me big guy
CHT – Hey Anderson – You are a big guy yourself —– FAT GUY
Anderson – SURVEY SAYS
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Crack OUT 0
Buzzer goes off
Anderson: Strike one !
Barry – Let me up there STUPID CRACK FOOL !
Anderson: Hello Mayor Barry!
Barry – I can look right over there – (pointing at the woman who trapped him into getting arrested) CRACK – HO !
Rasheeda Moore : HEY ! I resemble that remark
Anderson : Survey Says
CRACK HO 31
Anderson: Way to go Mayor !
Barry: Thank you sir !
Anderson : Now CHT – Your turn
CHT – OK you side of beef – throw one at me !
Anderson: What?
CHT – Shut up – or I will use you as a floating futon – like I did to Hasek in the Olympics
Anderson: What is your answer?
CHT – CRACK REF
Anderson: REF?
CHT : YES – REF. They are all CRAZY and OUT TO GET ME
Anderson – What does that have to do with Crack
CHT : REF !! That is my answer
Strawberry : Hey CHT ! I don’t think so
Anderson: Survey Says:
Crack REF 0
Anderson: I am so sorry CHT !
CHT – YOU SEE ! They are out to get me!
Strawberry: Let me get in the batters box
Anderson: You miss this one Straw – you could be back out on the streets
Steinbrenner: Not with me out here sir ! I will take care of Straw – and will find a way to get him back in the lineup
Anderson: Take it Darryl – if you miss it – the other side can trump you
Strawberry – CRACK – Joint
Barry: No – you mean “Pipe” – take it from me
CHT – where is your pipe? I ‘ll take it NOW!
Strawberry – No – Doc and I used to smoke it – CRACK JOINT
Anderson – SURVEY SAYS
CRACK Joint 0
CHT – YOU DOOFUS !
Strawberry – DAMN
Anderson: OK Team Turmoil – Huddle up and give me an answer
SJ Sharkie: Well – hate to run – but CRACK COCAINE
Steinbrenner : GOOD ANSWER ! That is what Steve Howe would have said
Wellington Mara: Good God ! GET ME OUT OF HERE
Anderson – SURVEY SAYS
Crack Cocaine 18
DING DING DING !
Anderson – and SJ Sharkie and his team WIN
CHT – Oh no he don’t
Melee ensues ——-
Anderson – Well – that’s it for Celebrity Crackhead Feud ———– ( In the background CHT starts whaling away on Steinbrenner and SJ Sharkie) GOOD NIGHT!